coryanotado: (Default)

Originally published at The Fast Money Round. You can comment here or there.

Washington, DC— As the American economy dips to its most dire point since the Great Depression, the Obama campaign is looking to make the previously lavish presidential inaugural galas more economically friendly. Arthur Franklin, the newly-elected head of the Obama Inaugural Committee, says that in this fiscally tight period in the nation’s history, the Commander-in-Chief-elect will be taking a lower-key approach to the traditional gala. “As we’ve shown throught the election process, the Obama administration is dedicated to using modern, down-to-earth tactics to the traditional presidency.” Today, invitations to the only Inaugural gala, held on the White House Lawn, have been sent to a select number of Obama’s friends on the popular social networking site, Facebook.

The Obama Inaugural Committee will be cutting costs throughout the party planning process. “This is probably going to be a BYOB thing, but we’ll try to pick up a couple cases,” said Franklin. “We’ll get the good shit, no Natty Lite or anything.” White House staff have confirmed that over 5,000 red Solo cups have been purchased for use at the Obama gala, and an Obama aide, speaking under promise of anonymity, noted that “we’ll play flip cup, beer pong and if someone can find the deck of cards and [newly-appointed White House Counsel] Greg [Craig] can remember the rules, him, me and [Vice President-elect Joseph] Biden are gonna start a game of Kings, or maybe Fuck the Dealer or something. Who has the ping pong balls?”

Dr. Reynold Jamison, professor of history at Georgetown University, says that these low-key galas were commonplace at the turn of the 20th century. “In 1909, William Howard Taft’s inaugural bala consisted of eight Mexican whores, a bottle of rum, and a piñata. The New York Times reported that Vice President James Sherman’s son Felipe was allegedly concieved there. If you compare that to the largesse of later galas, such as Ronald Reagan’s 2nd inaugural ball, where the Reflecting Pool at the base of the Washington Monument was converted to a chocolate fountain, you start to see the attitude of grandiosity that affected this nation.”

A return to simpler, more fiscally responsible times may be a trademark of the Obama administration. Staffers close to the president noted that in order to recooperate costs incurred by the gala, a $5 cover charge will be administered at the door. “However,” one aide said, “if a fine-ass lady walks up, we’ll always waive the cover. Hand her a cup and let her walk right in. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think Pelosi’s picking up a couple kegs.”

coryanotado: (Default)

Originally published at The Fast Money Round. You can comment here or there.

There are things that are out of our control. We can’t control Drew Carey on the Price is Right. We can’t control Chase Utley exclaiming that we are the “World FUCKING Champions” on every news station in town, be it radio or television. We can’t control that ugly fat guy on the forums who hates Plinko for no good reason. Physics, science, those people who cut you off on the freeway, religion, the weather… All these things are beyond our control.

However, as Election Day looms, there is one thing that we as Americans can control. This needs to be said, as loudly as possible. I don’t care how many times you hear it because it’s something that needs to be said. It has to be hammered into the skull of every eligible American.


I’d love it if you voted for Senator Barack Obama. He’s a new kind of politician. He doesn’t slander, he doesn’t take the low road to get elected. He hasn’t attacked John McCain like Sen. McCain has attacked him. It’s refreshing and it’s a testament to his character. The world sees him as “not a jackass” and “a capable leader,” which Bush wasn’t and John McCain won’t be. This “share the wealth” business isn’t about socialism; it’s about giving everyone the opportunities to succeed.

Of course, if you vote for McCain, that’d be OK, too. That’s your choice. I’d like to give you a friendly reminder that the “change” that McCain is bringing was “change” that he saw fit to offer after he saw he was trailing in the polls. He voted with President Bush 90% of the time. The same President Bush who saw us into a war we have no business fighting, a recession we have no business being in, and an election that we so sorely need.

But in any event, if you were THINKING about voting, you should vote. If you’re not registered, then shame on you! Get registered and let your voice (yes, your voice matters, math be damned) be heard. If you are registered, find out here where you’re supposed to vote, and go do it. When Nelson Mandela was released from jail and South Africans first had the right to vote for their leaders, many of them stood in 96-degree weather for five hours just to be able to cast one single ballot. We take this privilege for granted? That’s silly.

Go vote. If you really aren’t sure, go to and answer those questions honestly. Personally, take my advice: Go Obama. He truly is a different kind of politician, and one we can trust to lead us.

coryanotado: (Default)

Originally published at The Fast Money Round. You can comment here or there.

Republicans really annoy me. I honestly can’t understand why anyone would tolerate John McCain and his campaign right now. My father is a Republican ward leader in his district in Philadelphia. (That would, then, make him as rare as a Chinese panda buying crack on Broad and Girard.) He firmly believes that Obama and the Democratic party would ruin America. “McCain has foreign policy experience, he has a firm vision, he’s going to keep this country on track. You’re stupid, Cory. What ‘change’ is Obama going to change?” Well, Dad, first and foremost, the Dow Jones Industrial Average has dropped from over 14,000 to just about 8,880 as of the time of this writing. There is a subprime mortgage crisis in America, with greedy lenders abusing the ideals and the budgets of the poor, bringing most of the major banks in America scrambling around trying to keep their heads above water. The current approval ratings of the highest-ranking Republican in office rate somewhere between 23% (from ABC and the Washington Post) to 28% (from Time Magazine). What my father has taught me everywhere else in life is that if something isn’t working, you should try something else. These shoes hurt your feet? Pick different shoes. Does that shirt not fit? Change your shirt. I’m voting for Barack Obama for 3 different reasons:

  1. He’s a standup guy. The Obama campaign has taken the high road in terms of personal attacks on his opponent. And boy, is it easy to attack his campaign. From an online article dated July 2006 from, Colonel Ted Guy, Sen. McCain’s Senior Ranking Officer in Vietnam, recieved phone calls from McCain during Senate Committee hearings regarding POWs left in Vietnam. “John would call me one day and say something… and then he’d call a few days later and I’d ask him about what he’d said on the first call and John would completely deny ever saying it! I don’t trust him anymore. I think he is a total liar.” That’s a strong statement from a lobby that one would think is in the GOP’s pocket. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The Obama campaign told all their volunteers not to make any personal attacks on the McCain/Palin (and the volunteers listened!) all the while, the McCain campaign still likes playing Word Association with Obama’s last name.
  2. He’s in touch. Barack Obama has policies in place for the issues that haven’t plagued the country forever, but could very well soon. The Obama administration wants to assure an open internet, free of the ISPs tiering access to those who pay for premium access. He wants to review and revise the copyright laws in the United States to give the consumer as many rights as the copyright owner. John McCain’s ideas involve less of the consumer technology (which affects ordinary Americans like me) and talks a lot about the technology industry. That thinking does nothing to accurately protect the rights of Americans as we enter this digital age.
  3. He’s got the design. As a designer, I’m always impressed by good design. The Obama campaign didn’t just treat this as a campaign logo, but as a valuable brand, and they put it to good use. I’ve never seen someone take a brand and work with it so well. McCain’s campaign stole the colors of their original from those bags of french fries my grandma bought when I was a kid. (Now, it seems that they’ve adopted the friendly blue of the Obama campaign while still using ugly, amature typography.)

Now, I could say things on how I hate Sarah Palin, how I’m sick of George W. Bush, and how John McCain laughing at his own jokes makes me want to rip off his mask-like face skin, but I’m not. I’m going to say that Barack Obama and Joe Biden are going to lead this country back to the last time we had a president leaving office with a high approval rating and a surplus of over $500 billion.


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