cory anotado

Cory: Now it smells a little like penis.
Suzanne: What does penis smell like? Equate that to something.
Cory: PENIS! Penis smells like penis. It smells like male vagina or something.

-- END SCENE --

And I came across this letter.



It is an actual, ten-page letter from what seems to be about the early 1940s, so around World War II.

It is extremely dirty.

Granted, we tend to forget that in the early part of the 20th century, people were allowed to be pervy and nasty and sex-driven; at least, I do. This letter is a fresh reminder that even since the early 20th century, some people were real freaky nasty.

Confessions of a Southern Girl
Circa Early 1940s
Transcribed by Cory Anotado
Note from the transcriber: Best ten bucks I ever spent.

I was married quite young, not quite sixteen, but was good looking and had a good husband, and was mother of two children: a boy and a girl. Everything went fine until I was 28 years old, then my husband died.

After a year or so, men began to pay attention to me again, but there was no one dear to me but my deceased husband.

There was a burglar scare about this time in my neighborhood and I was all worked up about this and afraid to go to sleep at night. Some of the neighbors advised me to get a dog that would be respected by strangers. I saw an advertisement in the paper about a lady going north who would like a home for her Saint Bernard dog. I went over to see him. He sure was a beauty; so large and gentle like a lamb.
( Can you see where this is going? OBVIOUSLY NSFW. )
So there's the story. If I can get to a scanner, I'll scan it in.

Suz: I am SOO tempted to call you "Sexypants McGee"
Cory: And you're not why?
Suz: Good question!
Suz: Sexypants McGee!
Suz: Then I would smack your ass.
Suz: How about them apples?
Cory: I likes it!
Suz: You just like me touching your butt.
Cory: Oh, just a whole lot.
Suz: [insert Homestar here]
Suz: You know, I could use another Homestar clone. Perhaps Homestare.
Suz: The ghetto Homestar.
Suz: Yo, baby, I'm HomeSTARE Runner!
Cory: Homestaaaaare runner!
Suz: ::grabs crotch::
Cory: Oh baby!
Suz: ::pistol whips a cop::

Therefore, I want to kind of change the rules to the Game of Life. The "modern" version of the Game of Life was released in 1960, and the heavy 50s-era family ideals show heavily. Reading through the Wikipedia article, there were some rule changes in 1992 and 2002, mainly adding more realistic dollar values. However, I think there needs to be a couple more rule changes.

I think that salaries should be increased the longer you keep a job. If you're in the same profession for 50+ years (which would be the lifespan of the game, I'm assuming), rarely does your salary not increase, at least from what I know. There should be stop spaces (like marriage and buying a house) to increase your salary. Include salary+ tokens to save on making more salary cards.

Marriage should be optional. Currently, you have to get married to continue. There should be plusses and minuses to get married. I'm not sure what, but I'm not the one making the game. I'm just being an asshole. I am glad, however, that gay marriage is allowed in the Game of Life, just because the rules can't tell me I can't pick a blue peg to put in my little car.

There needs to be some kind of provision against having children. Maybe get extra LIFE tiles if you choose to not have kids. Or, get pets instead of kids. Maybe guinea pigs of some sort. I'd rather have a guinea pig in a cage instead of twins in my station wagon.

I think there should be more careers. We're in 2007, people. Where's Computer Programmer or Blogger? (For the record, Bloggers should only be able to get $300 a payday. Take that, hippies.)

The closest thing I can find is this: http://www.gameofreallife.com/ Hey, there's drugs, sex and war. I dig it. Someone buy this for me.

[Poll #748918]